Elena's Diary
by CalistaSalvatoreHarlemCarlyle
Summary: ever wonder what Elena writes in her diary? Well here is your chance to see the turmoil she has written about the choice she will soon have to make...takes place after season 2. Lang. and adult situations Diary, and Story format
1. Entry 1

Elena's Diary

Entry 1

August 27, 2011

Dear Diary,

I feel lost and comfused, I have been with Stefan for over almost 2 yrs now but now I know that

Damon wants to be more than friends. I love Stefan but I also feel pulled to Damon, a pull that threatens to

break me from Stefan's arms and into the arms of another...Another man that says he wants to show me

the world, a world that I want to see, but am afraid to even glimps at. A world that Stefan doesn't want me

apart of. As I write this tears are splattering onto your pages, tears of fear and torment. I love Stefan, but...

I am afraid to write it, even though I know its true...DAMNIT! When I see the pain in Damon's eyes when

Stefan holds me, or touches me it wrenches my heart. I don't want to hurt either of them, I don't want to be

like HER! If only I could talk to someone, but I must not...This secret must be kept just that. A secret, a secret

that shall never leave the confinds of your pages...Or pass my lips.

If I am to keep from being like HER...I must not speak of it. But I feel that Damon knows what is

going on...Because he always trys to talk to me alone. I turn him away or change the subject, but he always

just smiles at me kindly and just gives me that knowing look. A devestating look that melts me from the

inside. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want to keep this a secret but how do you keep something like

this a secret when...The person it's about already seems to know?

Its impossiable, and its not just my feelings that have been under fire...But my thoughts too, I know

its not Damon compeling me because I wear my necklace all the time. But my thoughts, my dreams...

Are telling me that I have feelings for Damon. At night I dream that he is holding me gently, kissing me

lovingly...Touching me. Even as I write this I feel that ghost of a touch, a touch that I dangerously yern for.

I love Stefan! I DO! But my heart aches so much... When I see Damon I can't help but wonder...What if?

When I see him I want him to touch me...I want to feel his lips on mine, his bare skin against mine. I feel so

ashamed, and unfaithful to have such thoughts. What do I do? How do I deal with this? I guess I have to

figure it out as I go, but I must tread lightly...


	2. Entry 2

**Calista: Okay I know I didn't say it in the last chapter…I don't own TVD! These accounts are my takes from the book series and the tv version of Elena's feelings.**

**Entry 2**

**9/22/11**

Diary,

They say that love is a fickle feeling…That it's only really targeted towards the one you truly want to be with. If so then why am I torn? My dreams are getting more heated…More intimate. I haven't slept in three days and Stefan can see this. He's asked several times why I have been so stressed and I just reply 'Test coming up…' or 'Just didn't sleep well…'. He usally nods ands changes the subject, not wanting to pry. But I know he knows I'm lying, that I'm keeping something from him. I've been avoiding Damon like the plauge. I know if I keep this up he'll show up at the door or in my room wanting to know why. Why I haven't spoken to him, which is funny because I know he knows. I can't tell him though, that would be like saying 'Yes Damon I have feelings for you…' but expecting him to just nod say 'Okay cool…' and walk the other way. That wouldn't happen, it's like trying to shoot a loaded gun and not hit anything. The bullet has to hit something…Me being the gun, Damon the bullet. The stress of the situation is unbearable but I can't avoid Damon forever, he's my friend. I just wish I knew what to do, Bonnie would be a huge help in this case but I know if she knew my secret…I'd lose her. Her and Damon are like water and oil. They don't mix at all…

I'm crying again, I feel so stupid. This shouldn't be so hard…I love…I love Ste… I can't write it, why can't I write it…It hurts to…But I know that I do. But I don't want to hurt either of them…If I told Stefan how I feel, about Damon…It would kill him, he'd feel like I was just like Katherine. I was playing him like she did Damon. But if I told Damon how I felt…I don't know what he'd do…

I need help…I can't do this anymore. I'm tired and exausted…I need sleep. But Damon plauges my every waking thought as well. Its like I can't concentrate, everything I do…Reminds me of him, my dreams…The wind blowing, is like a soft caress of his hand. I walk through the house and I smell the leather of his jacket, and I know he wasn't there. I'm tortured by this…

Elena sat the pen down closing the diary, as the tears still fell. She sat the book down on her nightstand with the pen, hugging her pillow. She knew she needed sleep, but she was afraid. She looked up when she heard her window open. "Hello?" The wind blew the curtians aside slightly, as Elena stood up walking over. She closed the window and locked it, when she turned around she jumped seeing Damon lounging on her bed. "Damon…What…Why are you here?" She asked. Damon looked at her for a long moment. "I don't like being avoided Elena…We need to talk…"


End file.
